Quick takes that were anything but quick in the writing

1. I have two reasons for not blogging in such a long time.  The first one is the obvious busy-ness of the season, the busy-ness of being a homeschooling mother and the busyness of not having Mr. Oddly Genius around to help out as much.  My second reason is that I’ve been thinking about blogging and where I want to go with it instead of doing it.
2. What I’m thinking about blogging is big and messy and hard to synthesize neatly into a bullet point.  I have this post mulling around in my head about the nature of friendship, reciprocity and Facebook.  No, you don’t want to see inside my head.  I keep thinking about whether or not to link to more blogs, whether or not to tell more people about this blog (haha, this nearly non-existent blog of late!) and how much I would like a co-blogger.  Any takers?
3. This evening I came up with a good zinger as I was bagging up a mammoth batch of Amish Friendship Bread (3.5 dozen regular muffins, 2 dozen mini muffins and a double-long loaf) and putting turkey stock into jars for freezing.  I was also cleaning up dinner dishes!  I thought to myself, “Wow, if something happens to me, Mr. Oddly Genius will seriously need to hire a housekeeper.”  I was thinking of suggesting to him running an advertisement for a “Mrs. Hall type person” from All Creatures Great and Small.  And then when I remembered that I really should have a life insurance policy, it hit me.  In response to the acidic remark, “You’re lucky to be able to stay home.” wouldn’t it be satisfying to reply, “Yes, well, my husband has more insurance on me because it would cost a fortune to employ someone to work as hard as I do.”
4. I try not to talk too much about church because I feel like somehow it is wrong to criticize people who are, essentially, on the same team.  But this is a huge issue I can’t ignore.  Let’s see if I can be diplomatic and get this off of my chest.  We have been in a very large church for 3 years now.  After trying 16 or so in the area it was the only one that had anywhere close to the kind of solid preaching we expect.  But it was big, and of a denomination that we are inclined to throw stones at.  Behind their back, and quietly – naturally!  We don’t like the music.  But we are resigned to the fact that our tastes are rare and so we don’t exactly blame any church for failing in this area.   We do have real complaints.  After three years we still don’t have any good friends (we did enjoy one family  for about a year but they moved away 16 months ago) and we still don’t feel like we fit in.  Now I know most of this is our fault because we are very quiet, shy and lazy.  But still!  It is frustrating.  My main complaint is the poor teaching, especially in the children’s department.  The curriculum is churned out as  fun and friendly as possible focusing on the Bible as an example book.  Remember this post?  Well, the material has not improved since then.  By now, even with her parents biting their tongues, the Sugar Plum can spot the faulty exegesis!  About a year ago I expressed some of my concerns to the “Children’s Minister” or whatever title it is she holds!  She was not on the same page at all so I kind of let it drop.  Then in the spring I sent her some materials that I found with the suggestion that she check them out and see if they looked like a reasonable alternative.  There has been a lot of silence.  I have been contemplating approaching her again but I hate conflict and I don’t think there is any hope.  I’ve been helping with the Mole’s class for several months because I can’t and won’t leave her with total strangers (in a big church they are ALL strangers!).  And I’ve been stewing and praying and just wanting a clear escape route.  We’ve recently been putting out feelers for the possibility of changing churches – there aren’t many options.  And we still aren’t sure what to do.  Out of the blue this week, the Children’s Minister called me to say the “teacher”and department head (of 2 or 3 classes? I don’t know!) that I work with is leaving.  And . . . would I consider taking her place? !!  Surely she had the wrong number or forgot my opinions or doesn’t feel my frustration burning a hole in the back of her neck every time I see her!  I nearly laughed and said no on the spot, but she was asking me to pray about it so I shut my mouth.  I am so busy right now with Mr. Oddly Genius in school.  And I just want out, out, out.  But could this be my opportunity to really have the ear of Children’s Minister lady?  I am praying.  When I am not laughing hysterically at the irony. “You caught me just as I was walking out the door.”
5. Why does a cooked turkey take up more room in my freezer than a raw one?
6. Why are there so many tears with a 5 year old girl?
7. Why is my family so wonderful and precious?  I think each year is better than the last as we decorate the Christmas tree and share memories.  This afternoon, the Sugar Plum said that her earliest memory is of eating animal crackers and singing Old Mac Donald.

 

Seven Very Quick Takes: Reasons I love fall

1. Cornbread.

2. Sweet Potatoes.  Lots of butter, salt and freshly ground pepper.  I’ve had a hard time finding good ones this year though.

3. Low energy bills.

4. Returning to dairy.  It has been easy, I’ve had no problems and the Mole is doing fine with her sippy cup of soy milk/soy formula.  We finally celebrated our anniversary with a cheese and cracker party at home.  I made two batches of homemade crackers and we bought 5 different kinds of cheeses.  And I made Tres Leche Cake.  You could say I jumped in with both feet.

5. Oh, yes, I suppose there are a few leaves turning.  This is a good year for color in our area but I haven’t had the opportunity to focus on it much.  Reminds me of days “long ago” when I would have made a photography excursion, and even a picnic.  These school days are hard ones.

6. Pumpkin patches.  That is what I do these days instead of fall color photography drives.  I took the girls to a local patch with our homeschool group.  It was a much bigger hit than the drive would have been, I am sure.  And I did get cute pictures of the Sugar Plum hurling herself off of a hay bale, so my camera isn’t getting rusty exactly.

7. Watching a little girl light up at the mention of sugar cookies and hot cocoa.  Hearing her plan for Advent.  Listening to her memories and getting a feel for what each season is coming to mean to her.  Thinking that maybe I’m not such a rotten mother after all.

 

October fruit

I am so pleased to discover that my brain has not entirely atrophied!  I am thoroughly enjoying Wendell Berry’s book, Standing by Words. Though I am not making fast progress, I don’t have to force myself to read it as I found necessary with the Apocrypha.  It is still disappointing that I couldn’t find more motivation but not crushing.

I read a little bit of Wendell Berry in college but not enough to figure out his angle.  It used to bother me – not being able to articulate my unease.  He had a pleasant writing style and addressed topics that I cared about: a strong sense of place, a love for the land and its produce, a commitment to hard work, an appreciation for natural beauty, reverence or gratitude for life.  But there was something wrong.  I think I needed wikipedia for a brief introduction and outline.  It is all so plain to me now!  I don’t agree with his agricultural views, his politics or the practice of his faith.

Since Standing by Words is not about agriculture I haven’t encountered any disruptions.  I only have the book for a few more days because it is on Interlibrary Loan, so I am skipping around in it reading what sounds most interesting just now.  I may have to buy a copy because I love the way he compares poetry and marriage.  I want to always have these thoughts on hand to share with others and to remind myself.  I’ll try to post a few here before putting the Mole in bed.

“To have a life or a place or a poem that is formless -into which anything at all may, or may not enter – is to be condemned, at best, to bewilderment.”

“There are, it seems, two Muses: the Muse of Inspiration, who gives us inarticulate visions and desires, and the Muse of Realization, who returns again and again to say, ‘It is yet more difficult than you thought.’ This is the muse of form.  The first muse is the one mainly listened to . . . “

“Properly used, a verse form, like a marriage, creates impasses, which the will and present understanding can solve only arbitrarily and superficially.  These halts and difficulties do not ask for immediate remedy; we fail them by making emergencies of them.  They ask, rather for patience, forbearance, inspiration-the gifts and graces of time, circumstance, and faith.  They are, perhaps the true occasions of the poem: occasions for surpassing what we know or have reason to expect.  They are points of growth, like axils of leaves.  Writing in a set form, rightly understood is anything but force and predetermination.  One puts down the first line of the pattern in trust that life and language are abundant enough to complete it.  Rightly understood, a set form prescribes its restraint to the poet, not to the subject.  Marriage too is an attempt to rhyme, to bring two different lives – within the one life of their troth and household-periodically into agreement or consent.”

“It may be, then, that form serves us best when it works as an obstruction to baffle us and deflect our intended course.  It may be that when we no longer know what to do we have come to our real work and that when we no longer know which way to go we have begun our real journey.  The mind that is not baffled is not employed.  The impeded stream is the one that sings.”

“Fidelity to the form has driven us beyond expectation.”

 

Seven early quick-takes for change

1. This is not going to become a specialized blog centered around the Mole’s dairy allergy.  I’m sorry for leaving that last post up for as long as I did.  That being said, it is a huge part of our lives at this point, so it will be a feature.  I promise it won’t take over!  We seem to have a pattern of two steps forward and one step back in our efforts to cope.  For example:  I tried rice milk for baking/cooking and it is tastier than soy milk.  But I’m having trouble getting my white sauces to thicken!  Compared to soy milk, rice milk is less nutritive, more expensive, watery as a drink, but better flavored and much tastier in food.
2. A skunk is visiting our back yard.  I had seen digging in our pathetic garden for about a week and wondered what could be doing it.  A few nights ago I saw mr. skunk by the light of the moon rooting up the back yard.  It looks awful out there now! I’ve seen him again and today I placed a call to animal control.  They will be sending someone out with a live trap and will pick up and relocate mr. skunk.  Relocate?  I feel so . . . citified.  Every now and then I get a little jolt of a reminder that my children are experiencing a very different life from mine.  At least they get to visit their grandparents for an occasional dose of country reality.
3. Mr. Oddly Genius is in the thick of classes right now.  He has lots of reading, lots of group projects and not much time.  In his finance class they are investing with pretend money.  His group is one of the top performing!  Wait, I don’t think it is investing . . . it is something about business decisions.  I can’t think now what it is called but they are making the most money.  Pretend money, of course.  I just wish my brain were working better to brag more specifically.
4. Homeschooling is going very well.  The Sugar Plum is the most gifted child ever. Well, tied with the Mole of course.  I love what we are learning right now.  It is sometimes surprising to me how much there is for a college educated woman to re-learn.  In elementary school.  The only thing I am not re-learning is drawing.  I never knew how to draw (of course I still don’t) so I get very excited with each lesson.  This week we talked about symmetry and practiced mirror imaging (drawing the second half of an object) before working on drawing a half apple.  It was amazingly easy once it was broken down into steps.  I couldn’t stop drawing them!  Not necessarily related to the drawing lessons, but I’ve really noticed an improvement in the Sugar Plum’s handwriting these last few weeks.  I always wonder about developmental ability as we tackle new things so it is encouraging to see progress (in any area, really).  I do think that gross and fine motor skills are something that I don’t naturally think of fostering in a 5 year old so the drawing does seem to fill a need there.  I think my strength as a mother and teacher is in academic fields.  I have to challenge myself, remind myself of the physical learning needs.
5. My reading is non-existent lately.  Unless you count blogs and National Review (hard copy).  I don’t know why I lack the motivation to persevere through the Apocrypha but I give up!  Oh well, I’m going to see if I can get myself to read something else or if my brain is just out of kilter.  I’m skipping on to some Wendell Berry that has arrived via Interlibrary Loan.  I don’t see how I can possibly get it read in 2 weeks but if I find that I like the first few pages (haha!) I can always order a copy from Amazon to finish it.
6. Does anyone have an opinion about my “mini-blog?”  Love it, hate it, ignore it?
7. Not much else to blog that I can think of right now.  Big church/Sunday School thoughts are on the far distant horizon though, so brace yourselves!

PS I love September.

 

Beware the Friday night post with italics

I complain a lot. If you know me in real life you may know this. I also talk to myself in my head. I complain to myself and then chastise myself. I have pity parties and pep talks. I do not have multiple personality disorder. I believe that I usually talk myself out of bad moods. Judge for yourself.
We’ve been dealing with the Mole’s dairy allergy for almost 3 months now. I am so glad to know how we can help her have a healthy life. Giving up dairy to nurse her has been difficult but not as bad as I would have thought. I really don’t mind for the most part. She is my child and I would do anything for her. It is a small sacrifice, really. That said, it has been a bad week for dairy substitutes at my house.  There was an awful, truly awful white sauce for a tuna casserole on Thursday.  We all ate our serving (complaining) and then I threw the rest of it away.  I can count on one hand the number of times I have done that.  I made a cup of hot cocoa for some comfort on Wednesday and it was just . . . ick.  I ran out of margarine this week and was thankful . . . waxy tasting junk.  I have never cared for soy milk much so I just don’t drink much of it.  I like butter for baking so I have done less baking.  I will confess to frying my eggs in bacon grease.  (Oh bacon grease, you are my best friend!)  Last night I was browsing dairy free blogs for birthday party ideas and was torn between disgust at all the extreme food conciousness (organic! vegan! REAL! raw!) and delight at some really simple creative ideas.  And then I ran across this product again and began to crave it.  I found it today at the health food store and bought some before thinking about the price.  Oh my goodness!  It was SO good and so expensive!  And it has thrown me into a pit of despair about the life that is in front of me.  I know I will find some perspective and figure out (only by the grace of God) how to cope with this.  But for now I am wallowing in the frustration, anxiety and dissapointment.  Be patient with me.  There are so many questions to sort through, so many pros and cons to weigh as we find the right balance of specialized vs. integrated diet.  Two things I know: those of us without a dairy allergy will be drinking milk; I will not be baking/cooking with soy milk.

You just don’t realize the difference that an allergy makes until you are dealing with it yourself.  Last night at a homeschool group meeting they brought up that the church where co-op meets is going latex-free because of two children who attend there with latex allergies (one life-threatening).  As they talked about all the surprising things that contained latex I felt suddenly at home.  You don’t realize, you can’t realize how many things contain an allergen until it is the allergen that wakes your child up screaming in the night.

 

Random Roundup

I’m sitting here listening to the Eagles (and other 70’s music) and skimming the internet.  It is a very odd experience, really.  Here is a great series on hospitality.  I read a piece on marrying early, but I don’t know what I think of it.  I looked up the date for the return of NCIS, I hope it will be good this year, it helps me get through a few long evenings of being an “MBA widow.”  Is that a legitimate expression?  You know, like “hunter’s widow?”  You know what I mean, surely.  I need to find Shakespeare plays online or something more mentally stimulating.  I’m trying to find good muffin recipes that call for oil (and preferably no milk) and not finding much tasty sounding out there.  (Well, these sound good, but they don’t meet my criteria.)  I’m really craving lemon poppy seed bread.

I was reading Mr. Oddly Genius’ syllabus for Corporate Finance and was overwhelmed with thankfulness that I am not the one pursuing this MBA/MIS.  Here is a gem of a quote: “We will cover a great deal of material in this course. For this to be feasible, students must come to each class fully prepared to absorb rapid and advanced topical coverage and to participate effectively in class discussions.”  I’m not sure if it is a typical practice, but the professor included a half page auto-biography.  It is as staggering as the syllabus!  Associate editor of four academic journals; privitization consultant for the NYSE, World Bank (and many others); visiting professor in Zurich, Paris, Amsterdam and other places. I am leaving out some other juicy tidbits, but here is my favorite.  Prior to entering academia he spent five years as . . . a petroleum chemist?

 

O Worship the KING

I have been teaching the Sugar Plum the hymn, “O Worship the King” this week.  I loved explaining the last verse to her:

O measureless might! ineffable love!
While angels delight to hymn thee above,
The humbler creation, though feeble their lays,
With true adoration shall lisp to thy praise.

The idea that my very best worship is but lisping is a humbling and powerful thought.  I’ve been thinking about it all week.  And this evening I read something that seemed to go along with my recent (and long-time) thoughts about worship.  What a great way to say what I was thinking!

 

7 quick takes: Vacation and catch-up edition

I wrote part of this on Mr. Oddly Genius’ work laptop on our way home from vacation over a week ago but didn’t get around to transferring it until a couple days ago when I decided it needed editing.  Lucky, lucky you.  A little bit of relaxation and I get mighty verbose!

1. The wedding in Oregon was lovely. It was a beautiful outdoor setting, simple but well planned.  The wedding sermon was appropriately serious and sound.  It was surrounded with lighthearted music like “Going to the Chapel” and “It’s a Beautiful Day” as well as more meaningful congregational singing of Be Thou My Vision and “In Christ Alone.”  It all fit nicely, you know?  Not my (perfect) wedding but tasteful and fun.  Mouthwatering dairy laden desserts made up the reception.  *sigh*

2. Before the wedding we had lunch with the groom (one of Mr. Oddly Genius’ college roommates) and two other (male) college friends.  It was a fun time listening to “the guys” talk over memories from college and some of the stories had us all laughing so hard that I was near tears.  It was also a bit bizarre being the longest married couple of the group and the only ones with children.  Those getting married later in life certainly have different opportunities and challenges!  I congratulated myself on biting my tongue when the wife of one of the other college friends (married nearly a year) declared their intent to have 8 children.  “Biological and adopted,” she clarified.

3. Our vacation was good.  I love to travel. (When I say this I am initially thinking of how laid back traveling without children is.  It can be fun with them too, but much less spontaneous and less of a literal vacation.)  This trip added 4 states to my list and some of the states we visited I was able to see a lot more of than on previous visits.  I was so amazed at the variety of landscape, scenery and culture.  It almost seems to me that seeing new geography shows me new facets of the God who made it all.  I loved the Grand Canyon – it almost seemed too big.  I loved the close and secluded feeling of driving down the Columbia River Gorge.  I loved the mountains and waterfalls.  I loved all the wide open spaces across New Mexico, Eastern Oregon and Wyoming especially.  And though I lack the words to express it, even the barrenness of the Mojave Desert speaks to me of the glory of God.  What a marvelous picture of our lives apart from His grace.  It was also good to have some family time away from the usual bustle of work and routine.  It was refreshing to see my dear husband interacting with his daughters.  And I love the delight in their faces as he shows his love uniquely.  Not much about a road trip is refreshing but it was good.  Especially as we are staring a new school year in the face.  This break has been long enough that the old school schedule seems a distant memory.  I am trying to brace myself for its return (Next week!).

4.  In sharp contrast to the beauty of God’s creation was the stupidity of mankind that we saw all along the way.  There is just nothing like the depravity of man to ruin everything.  If it isn’t some kind of scheme for “Putting America Back to Work” (or “Making America Late to Work” as Mr. Oddly Genius termed all the road construction) it is a ridiculous incentive like “Cash for Clunkers” for something we don’t need.  And there is nothing like spending several nights in hotels for having enviro-religiousity crammed down your throat.  Or maybe it is the way a five year-old makes every printed notice audible so that you know exactly how many towels is the proper tithe to the earth god.

5. Since coming home from vacation we have begun “sleep training” the Mole.  Oh, she sleeps quite well, with the caveat that she still wants a 2 or 4 a.m. snack.  We permitted it for a long time because of lingering worries (guilt?) about her weight, then milk consumption.  A few weeks before vacation we began discussing the absolute necessity of night weaning.  But we decided that vacation would probably ruin any progress so we put it off still longer.  I can hardly wait for a good night’s sleep to be the rule instead of the exception.  zzzzz

6. My reading plans for the year are going pretty well.  I definitely get more read when I am away from home!  I read a biography of Jane Austen on our trip that was interesting if not earth shattering.  I am trying to finish reading the Apocrypha.  Like Josephus it is sensational reading but a little slow for my circumstances and abilities.  I did not read much Josephus (just a bit more than enough for flavor) but I hope to finish the Apocrypha before starting on one of my last two books for the year.  I would REALLY like to read one of Shakespeare’s plays before next year.

7. We have a week of homeschooling under our belt.  It went very well;  I just hope we can keep it up.  I especially enjoyed our first more serious drawing lesson.  I have as much to learn as my student!

 

7 Quick takes or the beginning of my stress list

In my last post I think I failed to express myself clearly. On the one hand I think blaming everything on “stress” is silly reductionism. But at at the same time? Yes, I am stressed. Dealing with the Mole’s weight loss on top of Mr. Oddly Genius being in school was almost too much for me.  I feel like I do a decent job of hiding my stress from all but my closest friends.  So the dentist asking made me feel like laughing in her face.

I’ve seen other bloggers do this “Seven Quick Takes” thing and thought I’d give it a whirl. Some of them flesh out my questionable theme of stress.

1. I would rather give birth than have dental work done. I was at the dentist’s this morning for two fillings; one was run of the mill, the other involved an old filling that had begun leaking and was decaying (from the inside out?). As I was trying not to gag on all the implements in my mouth I suddenly remembered that I had previously endured 3 years of orthodontics. I find it incredible that I lived through it given my low pain threshold and general mouth issues. Today I described part of it as oral claustrophobia. In the middle of any dental procedure there comes this moment when I feel like shouting (after biting everyone’s fingers) “Everybody, everything OUT!” while ripping off the bib and fleeing to an isolated corner to whimper. I use more Lamaze breathing techniques at the dentist then I ever did at the hospital. I have a hair trigger gag reflex. And I feel as though when I open my (little) mouth wide enough for dental work that it cuts off all breathing. I am curious if anyone else has this problem. My nasal passages shrink or something and breathing is very difficult when my mouth is open. The dentist foresees a root canal. I didn’t mention it last time, but the hygienist foresees gum disease. I foresee death.

2. The Mole is shooting up the growth chart. At eight months we figured out that she has a dairy allergy. That has been the underlying problem all along! I have given up dairy completely (6 weeks now) and am supplementing with a hypoallergenic formula. We have just started trying her on a soy formula and it is going pretty well.

3. Giving up dairy isn’t as hard as it would seem. I think remembering that it is temporary is the key. I also feel like it is giving me excellent preparation for dealing with the Mole’s allergy down the road if she doesn’t outgrow it soon. I am getting pretty good at reading labels. You would not believe how many things contain milk products. Since I do so much from scratch it is easier to avoid. Eating out is a bit tricky and I am glad we don’t do it more often. It would be harder to be the one with the actual allergy, I think. In case you are interested, pizza (our weekly homemade as well as take-out) is the hardest to forgo. Then chocolate. Because! I can have cocoa as long as it is not combined with butter or milk.

4. On the same topic, I have been very blessed by our pediatrician. Her office has given us over a hundred dollars in formula samples as we were figuring out what worked. When I called earlier this week to find out where I could purchase the new (Next Step) soy formula they told me to come by and please take some off their hands. They had 6 cans due to expire this month! When this all began and the only formula she would take was around $25 a gallon I didn’t know how we would cope. So when the doctor offered those first few cans I drove all the way home praising God out loud which, I regret to say, is not like me. “Is anything too hard for God?”

5. Mr. Oddly Genius did well in his one summer class. He has been on break long enough that I am starting to take it for granted. I am not looking forward to the fall term. I so love having him around, especially watching him with the girls. One module at a time.

6. I am looking forward to homeschooling this fall. I am also nervous about new subjects. And totally overwhelmed at the thought of coping with a toddler too.

7. We are soon taking a road trip out to Oregon for a friend’s wedding. We are full of equal parts anticipation and dread.

 

Teeth don’t lie

Today, while exploring the possible causes for the sad state of my teeth and gums, the dentist asked about stress.  I love it when doctor types ask about stress.  Who isn’t stressed?  If my gums bleed like Old Faithful because of stress, it seems to me that everyone should have bleeding gums!